It’s May, which means
your inbox and social media feeds, like mine, are probably full of “helpful
suggestions” for what to get your mom for Mothers’ Day. But before you buy that
“priceless” bracelet or send that edible bouquet, you may want to ask yourself
what mom really wants from you this year. Knowing I would be writing the post this
week, I did just that; and I even solicited the help of three mothers in my
life—my wife, my mother-in-law, and my own mother. Below are 5 “wants” you
should consider as you try to find that perfect gift.
1. She wants to be remembered
Elder Gerald Lund once
told a story of a mountain climber who fell from a high peak and was saved from
certain death “when his
spread-eagled [climbing partner] arrested the fall with the strength of his
outstretched arms.” In expressing how he would honor his partner, the climber
said, “How do you respond to a guy like that? Give him a used climbing rope for
a Christmas present? No, you remember him. You always remember him.”[i]
While Elder Lund applied this story to the Savior and the importance of
remembering Him for His sacrifice on our behalf, I believe it can also be
applied to dedicated mothers. Indeed, I know of no calling that more closely
resembles Christlike love and sacrifice than that of motherhood. Mothers
sacrifice their time, talents, interests, sleep, health, sanity, and sometimes
even their lives in bearing, nurturing, and training their children. Just as
the climber could not adequately express his devotion to his climbing partner
with a used rope, neither can any material gift compensate a noble mother for
all she does in the name of motherhood. Of course, chocolate and
flowers never hurt, but if we truly want to honor mom, let us remember her by
regularly expressing heartfelt gratitude for the sacrifices she has made for us.
2. She wants to see the fruits of her efforts
Along with verbally
expressing our gratitude for mom’s sacrifices, we can thank her by explicitly
showing her (and giving her due credit for) the fruits of her committed
efforts. Consider some of the things that your mom has done for you throughout
your life, even in the face of whines and complaints like, “Oh mom, do I have
to?” She probably pestered you to do your homework on many occasions. Or maybe
she pushed you to practice the piano or encouraged you with “That was great,
honey” when your screeching on the violin left much to be desired. There’s no
doubt she dragged you to church more than once or repeatedly spent all her
energy rounding up rambunctious children to gather for family prayer or
scripture study. Whatever she’s done for you, you can thank her in kind—by telling
her how much you owe her for your academic accomplishments, playing her a violin
solo dedicated to her encouragement, or bearing her your testimony and
expressing gratitude for her righteous example. It’s a simple concept, but I promise
your mom will appreciate those expressions of gratitude more than she ever
could a bouquet of flowers.
3. She wants your patience and forgiveness
If there’s one thing
I’ve learned since becoming a parent, it’s that parenting is as much a learning
experience as it is a teaching experience. We’re all just doing the best we can
and we’re bound to make a few mistakes along the way. So perhaps mom loses her
cool or raises her voice once in a while. Maybe she was constantly late picking
you up from soccer practice or had to miss a few little league games or dance
recitals. Or maybe she likes to embarrass you by telling and retelling that
“hysterical” story of you as a toddler, climbing up and getting stuck on a
bookshelf wearing nothing but a pair of your brothers’ mismatched shoes. (What
can I say? I like climbing things). Whatever “mistakes” your mother has made, be
patient with her. As President Dieter F. Uchtdorf stated, “As the Lord is
patient with us, let us be patient with [others]. Understand that they, like
us, are imperfect. They, like us, make mistakes. They, like us, want others to
give them the benefit of the doubt.”[ii] May
we apply this principle to mom and let her know how much we love, honor, and
admire her, regardless of the mistakes she thinks she’s made. After all, she’s
probably more sensitive and aware of these mistakes than anyone else. And if
your mom is like mine, her strengths far outweigh any little imperfections.
4. She wants to be recognized for her unique talents
It seems that our
society is obsessed with comparisons. The common idiom, “keeping up with the
Joneses” (or Kardashians for the younger generation), has taken on new meaning far
beyond material possessions, to reflect one’s individual worth or value. Women
in particular are constantly presented with the “picture perfect” celebrity
ideal, extending to perfectly fit celebrity moms who the media portrays as having
everything completely together (though I’ve been happy to see several of these
celebrities recently stand up against these unrealistic portrayals). I believe
that this trend in our society has created the tendency for mothers to measure
their worth by comparing themselves to that ideal. As a result, it’s common for
mothers to struggle with feelings of inadequacy. The antidote is to help mom recognize
her value based on her own unique strengths. Perhaps your mom isn’t very
crafty, but she always knows how to make you laugh. Or maybe she’s not the most
athletic mom ever, but she makes the best cookies you’ve ever tasted. Whatever
it may be, find and focus on the good in your mom. Don’t just tell her you love
her, tell her what it is you love about her.
5. She wants her children to “walk in truth”
One of my mom’s most
quoted scriptures reads, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children
walk in truth.”[iii]
I personally experienced this principle, at least to some extent, as a
missionary for the LDS church. After working as hard as I could, knocking doors,
biking miles every day, and facing ridicule and abuse to find and teach people
the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, the greatest joy that came as a missionary
was witnessing someone accept the gospel and begin to live by its precepts.
Similarly, given the effort and many sacrifices a mother makes in raising a child,
it is no wonder that one of her greatest joys is to see that her child has
grown up to be a good, honest individual. Perhaps more important than anything
else we can do to honor mom, then, is living the true principles she has taught
us. As the poet Claudia Cranston wrote for her mother:
“I do not build a monument
of carved white marble for your sake,
That only those who pass may read,
and only those memorial make
My life must be the monument
I consecrate on your behalf;
My charity must carve your name,
My gentleness your epitaph…”[iv]
Overall, material things
like flowers or jewelry can be nice gestures (and I’m sure they’re
appreciated), but the best gifts you can give your mother are those that come
from the heart—the expressions of gratitude and devotion for the countless
sacrifices she has made and living your life to honor her. So mom, thank you
for all that you have done for me; for the many sleepless nights you spent
rocking me as a baby; for sacrificing your own interests so you could always be
there when I got home from school; for encouraging me to be my best and to
pursue my passions; for helping me through my trials, from a scraped knee to a
broken heart; and for teaching me through your words and example to love and
serve the Savior. I so appreciate the person you are. You have the biggest
heart of anyone I know and I truly admire your exuberance for life and passion
for learning. Perhaps more than anything, I admire you for the gift you have of
loving and nurturing those in need. So much of what I have and what I am, I owe
to you. I hope to always honor you with the way I live my life and how I treat
others. I love you, mom.
Happy Mothers’ Day!
Joseph Harrison is
a proud new father and the husband of an incredible and accomplished
wife. He has a bachelor's degree in business administration and worked
for several years in management consulting before coming to Texas
A&M, where he is currently pursuing a Ph.D. in strategic management.
He also has experience working with youth as a tutor and personal
mentor. His passions include his family, serving others, teaching, and
college football.
[i]
In Eric G. Anderson,
“The Vertical Wilderness,” Private Practice, Nov. 1979, 21. Taken from https://www.lds.org/manual/new-testament-teacher-manual/the-gospel-according-to-st-luke/lesson-19-luke-18-22?lang=eng
[ii]
Dieter Uchtdorf. “Continue in Patience,” LDS General Conference April 2010.
Retrieved May 4, 2015 from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/continue-in-patience?lang=eng
[iii]
3 John 1:4
[iv]
Claudia Cranston, “To my mother,” In Public
School Methods Vol. 5, p 515. Methods Company, 1921. Taken from http://hissacredpresence.blogspot.com/2013/05/to-my-mother-poem.html
