I read somewhere on the internet that parents embarrass their children 14 times a week. I don’t know about the statistical accuracy of the statement, but I believe that we can all remember a time in our adolescence when we felt our cheeks burn red after some comment, outfit, or dance move. Parents embarrass their kids; that’s just a law of nature. It is widely accepted and expected. In most instances, it is viewed as a bad thing. But here, I hope to explain a few ways to embarrass your kids in a good way, and I will even try to prove that it is important to do so. Keep in mind that this is coming from the perspective of a young adult not too far removed from those embarrassing grade school days.
1.
Be “Mushy”
This is the one of the
most important purposes of parenthood and is one of the easiest ways to be a
good parent. Show your kids that you love them! Believe me, affection conveys
parental love much better than buying the newest video game or ordering their favorite
pizza for dinner. Lick your thumb and wipe something off of their face. Hug and
kiss them a lot. Tell them how much you love them and do it in front of people.
Publicly display affection at the grocery store, at church, and especially in
front of their friends. Kids, teenagers especially, may push you off or get
irritated and call you “embarrassing,” but that’s a fleeting feeling. Their worries about what their friends may
think don’t matter because you are showing them what you think of them. Knowing
without a doubt that your parents love you enough to publicly display it makes
a huge impact, especially during the teenage years. It’s an added bonus if
friends or anyone else gets to feel that kind of love.
2. Get to Know Their Friends
2. Get to Know Their Friends
I mentioned showing your
kids love in front of their friends. An equally embarrassing parental gig is
getting to know your children’s friends. When I was young, I sometimes felt as
though my dad was interrogating the friends I brought home, and I didn’t often
expect them to return. But as I have grown, I have learned that because he loved
me so much, he wanted to love my friends as well. He wanted to get to know them
and make them feel at home in my family’s setting. My parents even served them
as they would have served one of their own children. They have rescued friends who
locked their keys in their vehicles, given my friends rides to the airport, and
been a listening ear to their troubled hearts when I could not be. Those
efforts paid off. I can’t count how many of my friends have mentioned how much
they love my parents or how our home felt “different” and “good” in some way. I
appreciate that my parents were embarrassingly inquisitive with my friends.
It not only showed me that they loved me, but it taught me the importance of
loving and serving others. As an added bonus, it did the same for my
friends.
3.
Put Notes in the Lunch Box
“By small and simple
things are great things brought to pass.” (Alma 37:6) Really and truly, putting note in a lunch box is
just a small effort that can go a long, long way. It doesn’t have to say much,
just a simple “love you” written in sharpie on the zip lock bag shows extra
effort. Every kid loves a surprise, and the kids who might poke fun at it are
really just jealous.
4.
Say “No”
Sometimes the worst thing
my parents could do was to say “no” in front of friends. Especially if everyone
else’s parents were saying yes. But “no” very often means “I love you, and I
know that this isn’t good for you.” I appreciate this more as my testimony of
the gospel grows stronger. The Lord loves us and knows what is best for us.
“No” isn’t usually an embarrassment or a restriction in parental and heavenly
terms: it is loving guidance.
5.
Yell At Them (Good Thoughts Only)
Yelling out of anger is
never good. But, my parents made a habit of yelling pieces of advice to my
brothers and me as we left the house or when they dropped us off at school. One
of these pearls of wisdom was, “Make good ripples!” What my mother meant was
that we should remember that all of our actions have consequences and effects
on others, kind of a reiteration of the Golden Rule (Matt. 19:19). Another was, “We love
you and we don’t want you to have sex until you are married.” That one always
made our cheeks burn. But despite that, it was a small and subtle reminder that
parental love encourages obedience to the commandments of God (Law of Chastity).
6.
Make Them Do Chores
We did a lot of chores.
Even when we had friends over. In fact, if our friends were over for more than
a few hours, they had chores, too. At the time, I felt like apologies were necessary.
But now I can see that working together brought my friends and me closer and
definitely made them feel more comfortable in our home. It also teaches basic
self-sufficiency, which certainly contributes to self-worth.
7.
Find Gospel Principles in Everything
It used to drive me crazy
how my mother could tie anything to some gospel principle and lesson. Any
infomercial was subject to become an analogy for that day’s gospel topic. Any
conversation could start off with a joke and turn into a testimony meeting.
The thing is, she looks for gospel truths in every aspect of her life. That
isn’t embarrassing; it is admirable. And since we are here on this earth to
learn, progress, and prepare to meet God (Alma
12:24), we should take advantage of every learning
opportunity (Proverbs
22:6).
8.
Talk about Jesus Christ
Our Savior isn’t a
secret. The Restored Gospel isn’t something to be sorry for. High standards and
strong morals aren’t things to be ashamed of. If you really want to embarrass your
kids in the most important and wonderful way, talk about Jesus Christ! Share
your testimony with them every day. Invite their friends to participate in
Family Home Evening, family prayer, and church activities. Encourage your kids
to be missionaries (Mark
16:15). Maybe they won’t understand it, I know I didn’t.
But they will remember it. It will not be remembered with shame, but with pride
and it will be an example of faith that will forever guide their lives.
Like I mentioned, I am
not too far removed from grade school. My parents have embarrassed me and I am
sure they will continue to do so. But a few red-cheek moments are nothing compared
to the unconditional love that I am sure of and the Christ-like examples that
helped build my personal testimony of my Savior. So instead of apologizing when
your kids give you that stern, red-faced look, just remember that eventually
they will be grateful.
Koby Lopez is 22 years old and happily married. She and her husband are both studying at Texas A&M University and are enjoying their newlywed/student life, but are also excited to graduate and start a family. Koby loves surprises and tries to focus on the little things in life. Her personal motto is "preparation brings blessings."
